Spiritual Awakening Through Grief: Can Suicide Loss Lead to Inner Transformation?

Written By Rebecca Jax

Some losses split your world open in a way that can never be put back together.

Losing someone to suicide is one of those losses.

It leaves you with questions you cannot answer, guilt you cannot reason with, and a silence you cannot escape. And yet, buried within the deepest layers of grief and loss, I have found something else — a quiet, sacred transformation. A new way of seeing life. A deeper relationship with spirit. A purpose I never could have predicted.

I do not romanticise pain. This isn’t about finding silver linings. It’s about telling the truth — that losing someone to suicide can break you wide open and reveal a version of you that you may never have found otherwise.

The Earthquake of Suicide Loss

When I lost my brother Jack to suicide, my whole nervous system collapsed. Nothing made sense. It felt like the floor beneath me was ripped out. The world no longer felt safe. I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Grief like that does not arrive quietly. It shakes your identity, your belief systems, your sense of control. It’s what some might call traumatic grief — a grief so overwhelming that your body doesn’t know how to hold it.

I remember feeling terrified to live in my own skin. The person I loved most had left the earth, and for a long time, I thought maybe I should too. Not because I wanted to die, but because the pain was unbearable and the fear that someone else I loved might do the same kept me trapped in constant hypervigilance.

This is what losing someone to suicide does. It removes the safety blanket you didn’t even know you had. It shatters time. It disrupts sleep. It reprograms your brain. You can’t “think” your way out of it.

And yet, somehow, my healing began.

The Invitation Beneath the Pain

I don’t think there’s ever a “right time” to begin emotional healing, but I know for me, something shifted when I realised I could not live like that anymore. I was operating from fear, frozen in survival, disconnected from life. And that’s not what Jack would have wanted.

It was only through energy healing, breathwork, bodywork, and deep emotional processing that I began to find my way back into my body — and therefore, back into life.

At JAX, this is now the foundation of what I teach. Because what helped me wasn’t talking about it. It was feeling it. Releasing it. Moving it.

Grief and loss are not just emotional. It’s energetic. It’s physical. It is a full-body, full-spirit experience. It requires us to feel what we could not feel at the time. And in doing so, we meet parts of ourselves we didn’t know were there.

The grief becomes a portal. The pain becomes an initiation. The breakdown becomes a sacred unraveling.

Letting Go, Not Losing Connection

One of the hardest parts of losing someone to suicide is the fear that if we let go, we’ll lose them entirely. I remember I couldn’t drive my car without asking Jack to keep me safe. I’d call on him for everything — as if I needed to keep him close to survive.

Eventually, through my emotional healing journey, I learned the difference between holding on and honouring.

I’ve done letting go ceremonies in Bali with high priests, offering prayers to the universe that Jack could cross fully into the light — not because I was done loving him, but because I loved him enough to let him go. To trust he would always be near, even if not held so tightly.

That’s the paradox. Letting go doesn’t end the connection. It deepens it. It clears the noise and opens the space for a more peaceful, spiritual relationship to form.

And what I found on the other side of that letting go — was me. My work. My daughter Bobbi. My truth. All born from the space Jack once filled.

From Pain to Purpose

I believe healing is not about “getting over” it. It’s about making meaning. Creating beauty from brokenness. Choosing to keep your heart open, even when it’s been torn in two.

This is the work we do at JAX. We do not bypass pain. We sit with it. We move through it. We let it teach us. And when we’re ready, we ask: What now?

For some, that question leads to a spiritual awakening. A deeper connection to source. A knowing that life is not just what we see. For others, it becomes a return to joy, a renewal of purpose, a softening of the edges.

For me, it became all of that — and more.

It became the seed of my retreat centre. It became the fire behind every healing session. It became the whisper in every circle where someone dares to tell the truth about their grief.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re reading this after losing someone to suicide, please know this: you are not broken. You are grieving. You are healing. You are human.

You don’t have to rush to find meaning. You don’t have to know the answers. But if there is even a small part of you that feels called to turn your pain into something more — to let it wake something inside you — that path is real. And it is sacred.

You don’t need to do it alone.

This is why we offer retreats, online sessions, and emotional healing spaces rooted in trauma-informed care, nervous system regulation, and spiritual healing — so that no one has to walk through the fire alone.

Because grief and loss will change you. But it can also awaken you.

And sometimes, the most painful goodbye becomes the beginning of a new life you never saw coming.

Ready to Begin Again?

Rebecca Jax
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Inside JAX’s Kundalini Activation Training